There are a lot of questions that will be asked tonight’s vice presidential debate, but there’s also a lot of questions that won’t be asked. As a form of self-care and escapism, lets focus and fantasize on what we can’t ask, but would be really funny to ask.
Vice President Pence, do you think that pooping is kind of gay?
Senator Harris, if you got COVID, which three of your fellow senators would you definitely cough on?
Vice President Pence, can I call you Little Mikey? Would you like that, Little Mikey?
Senator Harris, do you think that climate change or giraffes are more real?
Vice President Pence, does it bother you that you look like a GI Joe action figure that’s been microwaved for 15 seconds?
Senator Harris, Frasier, or Niles?
Vice President Pence, do you know where I parked my car?
Senator Harris, if you’re elected, would you divorce your husband to date the entire cast of Hamilton?
Vice President Pence, when was the last time you unclenched your jaw?
Senator Harris, I know that you and Q don’t see eye to eye on politics, but do you consider him a friend?
Mr. Vice President, we know you hate gay sex but would you give Jesus a handy if he asked?
Senator Harris, how much ice cream is Joe Biden forcing you to eat each day, and is it making you sick?
Vice President Pence would you please at least help me look for where I parked my car?
Senator Harris, do you like the band “The Police” as much as you love the real police?
Vice President Pence, what’s your favorite Bible verse about how it’s okay to let thousands of poor people die each year because they don’t have access to healthcare?
Senator Harris, would you come out as a little bit gay right now just to make Vice President Pence uncomfortable?
Would either of you support combining North and South Dakota into one big ass Dakota?
Senator Harris, would you consider giving Joe Biden a little tickle under his chin, just to give him a boost of energy before his next debate?
Vice president Pence, have you ever eaten candy or any other type of sweet treat?
Senator Harris, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if he had access to universal healthcare and free college tuition?
Vice President Pence, why is it that I’m incapable of imagining what you would look like dancing?
Senator Harris, you’ve called yourself an LGBTQ ally. Does that means you want the same amount of gay and straight people in prison?
Vice President Pence, is this your first time speaking to a black woman?
Senator Harris, have you seen my car? I totally forgot where I parked it.
Written by: Tamara Yajia, Grace Thomas and Ben Rosen
Talent: Tamara Yajia